Defining Failure

by carson on August 9, 2008

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I am bound and determined to be a writer instead of dreaming about writing and then letting life get in my way. With that in mind Action’s conversation from the last post has stayed with me and led me to consider what exactly failure is, what would my life be if a failed at being a professional writer? 

  • I would have a crappy job 
  • I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills with writing 
  • I’d have to live with my parents because i couldn’t support myself
  • I’d be a nobody, never published
  • i’d never finish a story worth publishing
  • i’d have to  go back to my fall backs - substitute teaching and art.
  • I’d probably be a little depressed
Wait, there’s a problem with that list - that is my life now. Except for that last one about depression that’s me. So, how can i be afraid of failure when basically it isn’t any worse than now? Being published and getting a bad review isn’t worse, it’s something. Every step from here foreword is only a step toward success because it is a step. The only failure i face now is letting myself down because i don’t try. 
I’ll have to thank Action next time i see him, that quick conversation changed my thinking and helped quite a bit.

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Admitting to Fear

by carson on August 5, 2008

Earlier today I ran into my friend Action Jackson. We chatted for a while which was nice because i haven’t seen him in a while and then came the substantial Q&A session:

Action: What are you going to do? You can’t keep waitressing forever - that’s not a career

Me: Well, technically it is a career, but no, it’s not what i want to do forever.

Action: What are you thinking about? What direction are you going in?

Me: Right now?

I should have said “be a writer” but I didn’t. I copped to paying bills and existing and figuring out who i am as an adult but I couldn’t admit that I’m a writer. I haven’t admitted that to anyone yet because the truth is that I’m afraid that i am going to fail.

This fear brings two thoughts to the front of my brain:

More people fail at being a writer than succeed.

I try not to keep this one close to my heart but I can’t seem to get rid of it. The first step i’ve taken is to outline my specific writing goals so that I can work towards accomplishing something specific instead of a vague unreachable(and terrifying) goal. I haven’t defeated it yet. I am also battling it with the certainty that if i don’t try i won’t have any chance to succeed.

Doing the Unrealistic is Easier Than Doing the Realistic

This one I’ve picked up from the Tim Ferris’s blog, here’s his explanation:

It’s lonely at the top. 99% of the world is convinced they are incapable of achieving great things, so they aim for the mediocre middle-ground. The level of competition is thus fiercest for “realistic” goals, paradoxically making them the most time- and energy-consuming.

If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think.

Makes sense right? So then by that thought I have a better chance of becoming a top freelancer or a NYT Bestseller than a midlevel writer in local publications - because everyone is afraid to query the glossies.

Admitting Makes it Easier

Writing this here makes me see how silly this fear really is. Thinking of all the beginnings and almost beginnings I’ve played with helps me see that it is this fear that stops me from reaching the middle and end.

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Sweet Spot Maps

by carson on August 3, 2008

I’m working my way through an online class created by the uber fantastic Holly Lisle called “How to Think Sideways: Career Survival Guide for Writers“. So far I’ve only gotten through week two and have learned so much about myself. I’m not going to give away all the great info in the class, because really you should go to the site and try the class yourself but I really enjoyed the the big part of week two - mapping your sweet spots. Here are my two favorites - things i’m drawn to and things that give me shivers.

Things that give me Shivers

Things that I'm Drawn to

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Introduction

by carson on July 30, 2008


I’ve wanted to be a writer for years, practically forever in my memory. Yet i’ve always been a dreamer, procrastinator and never pursued the dream with any passion or real motivation. Mostly i read how to write books and avoided the real work of being a writer. But now I’m done with college and have nothing left to procrastinate for. This blog is the chronicle of my serious attempt to break through my blocks and become a writer - fiction and freelance at a level that supports my life. The truth is become a writer or face life in a cubicle - which is simply unacceptable.

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